


Walk Along the Razor's Edge

by EvenSpeedWeedisAfraid



Series: Hell's Yarns [18]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Scarface (1983)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Swearing, because thats how tony talks mang, friends helping friends kick the shit out of intruders, jagi's just a lil cameo but hey, just a lot of swearing really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-19 06:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29746215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvenSpeedWeedisAfraid/pseuds/EvenSpeedWeedisAfraid
Summary: Tony Montana's got it all, just like he knew he would. Head of the coke trade in the Pentagram, living in a replica of his old mansion, loyal employees working for him, and he's well on the road to becoming an Overlord... the good life, you know?Not everyone is pleased with this however, so what happens when an irritated moth decides to launch a night-time attack on the Cuban?
Relationships: Tony Montana & Cherri Bomb
Series: Hell's Yarns [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058714
Kudos: 4





	1. Who put this together? Me!

**Author's Note:**

> Oh fuck yes, I've missed writing Tony _so_ much, you have no idea.  
> Also, I gotta give due credit to MisterMidnight for the idea of Tony in Hazbin Hotel's version of Hell - and for some other things that'll come up during this.

_"This is Tony Montana, signin' off. Next time you see me, I gonna be an overlord, mang. You got my fuckin' word on that."_

Lounging back in his indoor hot tub, a wolf demon with a somewhat faded scar running from above his eye to the top of his cheek chuckled as he watched himself on the TV. Taking a puff from his cigar, he raised a hand to point at the screen. "Mang, they should be puttin' me on _all_ the fuckin' channels, people'd watch the fuck outta that I tell you."  
Craning his head to look at the imp who placed a glass of gin next to him, Tony nodded. "'Ey, thanks... fuck, what's you name again? I forgot and I kinda wanna call you Manny, but I don't think that's it."  
Wary as to not irritate his boss, the imp shrugged. "I don't mind you calling me Manny, Tony. As long as you don't call me unemployed, anything's fine!"  
"Okay Manny, I got you. You know, you been doin' good ever since I hired you... made the right call, not killin' you when I kicked the fuck outta that Cavella _pendejo_ , huh?"

"Yep. And you're definitely a better boss than most demons are," 'Manny' admitted, smiling a little.  
"Ah, it's nothin'. I know what it's like, havin' nothing. I came from the dirt, you know? Had to work for the shit I got. Now look'a me. Got just about everythin' I ever wanted! Gonna be an Overlord soon, too." A pause as Tony took a sip of his gin. "And you gonna be by my side when I get there too, mang. Tony Montana _never_ lets a friend down, okay? Shit, I gonna give you a raise right now, so you can treat youself and the wife to somethin' good."  
"Holy shit, really?" The imp couldn't help but let his jaw drop at his boss' sudden burst of generosity - a rarity in Hell, I'm sure you'll guess.  
Tony simply answered with a nod.

\---

Having dried off and dressed himself in a black suit with a white undershirt, Tony headed towards his desk - with good ol' 'Manny' in tow.  
"So, what you gonna do with that raise money, _hermano?_ " The wolf asked with a slight smile.  
"Oh! I'm thinking of taking my family to Lu Lu World, my kid's been getting really good grades lately and I feel he deserves a reward," the imp said.  
"Yea', I been there before. _Real_ good place, kid gonna love it-"  
The conversation was cut short by the sound of the landline ringing on the desk. "Shit, Manny, can you go put it on speaker?"  
The imp nodded, walking over to put the call on speakerphone. Tony soon joined him, tilting the machine so that it would face him - just in time to hear a raspy voice come through.  
"Tony... do ya know what you're doin'?"  
Shrugging as if the caller could see, the wolf replied. "Always know what I'm doin', who the fuck's askin'?"

The demon on the other side laughed a mirthless laugh. "Don't even act like ya don't know _me_ , Tony."  
"I do a lotta deals, mang. Gotta fuckin' clarify, you know?"  
" _Valentino_ , ya braindead fuckin' Cuban bitch!"  
Taking a few steps to calm himself down from hearing that, Tony circled his desk before coming back to the speakerphone with a slight grin. "Oh yea', I know you. Know _all_ about you, fuckin' cock-a-roach. How's your studio doin', you been making less movies these past few months. Somethin' happen?"  
The gamble paid off, as the moth pimp was _fuming_ at Tony's mockery. "Oh, ya think you're a real fuckin' comedian, huh Montana? Ya better fuckin' watch yaself, big man, I'm really 'bout it, okay?! Consider yourself public enemy number _fuckin'_ one in my eyes, ya gonna get caught slippin' _real soon!_ "

A fire lit in Tony's eyes as he snatched the machine up to really hammer in his defiance to the Overlord. "You want a war, Valentino? Okay, I gonna take you to war, you fuckin' piece a' _shit!_ Think you can take me? You gonna need a fuckin' _army_ you gonna take me!"  
Not even letting the other shout out a reply, the wolf tossed the speakerphone to the floor before personally hanging up the call on the landline.  
'Manny' was... worried, understandably. "Um, sir? Did you really..."  
"He a pussy, he not gonna kill me. Tony Montana don't get killed by no stupid fuck like that! Still, you should go home... take the night off, okay?"

\---

Later still, Tony was slouched in his chair, dozing off after a relatively good day - blissfully unaware of the dozen or so demons charging through his garden with loaded guns.  
The first few shots were distant and muted enough not to rouse him, but when they burst into the lobby of his mansion, gunning his men down, his eyes snapped wide open.  
There was banging at the door to his office - one of his men, by the sounds of it.  
" _TONY! Tony, open the fucking door! Please, PLEA-_ " The panicked pleading was cut down by a hail of gunfire, startling Tony enough to snap his gaze over to the many monitors set up next to his desk. He saw one of his men, slowly crumbling to the ground in front of his door, the poor sod's blood staining the wood.  
He _also_ saw several demons that _aren't_ his men ascending the horseshoe stairs.

"Motherfucker... okay Valentino, you wanna play games? Okay, I play with you." The wolf mumbled as he launched himself out of his chair, stomped over to his gun closet, and tossed the doors open. Inside, he spotted just the thing for this - his _Little Friend_ , an M16A1 assault rifle with an under-barrel M203 grenade launcher. "You wanna fuck with me?!" Snatching it up alongside several spare magazines and a handful of grenade rounds that he stuffed into his suit's inside pockets, Tony's eye twitched as he charged to about the middle of his room. "You wanna play rough?! _OKAY!_ "  
Bracing himself, he placed his finger against the launcher's trigger, ready to fire.

_**"SAY HELLO TO MY LIL' FRIEND!"** _


	2. Every dog has his day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony fights off his aggressors, with a little help from an old pal.

The goons who had posted themselves closest to the door realised their mistake far too late to prevent the consequences - as the grenade hit the wood and blew the surrounding part of the wall up, bodies flew all over. Some were banged up but alive, some lost limbs and were barely clinging on, and a few were straight up deceased.  
"You like that?! _Huh?!_ " Tony screamed out, taking a few steps forwards while rolling his shoulders in anticipation for the next few minutes of firing an assault rifle at fucking morons. " _You want more?!_ "  
As two of the banged-up demons struggled back to their feet, Tony raised his rifle and peppered 'em both with bullets, putting them down for real this time.   
" **YA WHORES!** " The enraged Cuban continued to shout obscenities and shoot at the bodies, seemingly paranoid enough to warrant wasting ammo on the dead.

Crossing the threshold into the lusciously red main hall, the wolf turned his head to see another limping bastard, one he promptly showered in gunfire. Almost as if he were on a swivel, Tony spun around to gun down a delirious, stumbling assailant, sending him tumbling over the railing and down the staircase.  
Checking his immediate surroundings, Tony confirmed that nobody remained in that part of the room. A few steps forwards, and he immediately opened fire on the left staircase, blasting the demons against the walls and down the stairs - but he took too long before attacking the _right_ staircase, awarding him with a 9mm bullet in his side. Sure, that shit stung like a _bitch_ , but it wasn't going to stop Tony Montana!  
In the time he took to vocalise his pain, he had already shot the audacious fool _and_ stopped the next guy from climbing the stairs with a few more shots.

The _click_ of his rifle told him he had to reload, which he did with all the grace of a fucking sledgehammer, just _smacking_ the new magazine in. Stepping to the railing that would stop him from taking a tumble into his fountain of clear blue water, Tony sprayed around, catching a few of Valentino's low-rankers with enough lead to stop one's heartbeat.  
The shattering of the chandelier held by one of his statues alerted the Cuban to the large group of hitmen standing by the side-doors of the hall. What better way to fix that problem than with _more_ gun violence? Tony can't think of anything better, can _you?_  
Unfortunately, another _click_ made him question the efficiency of his spray-and-pray tactics for about all of one second, before he just decided to use another of the many magazines he took. But in the time he took fumbling the fresh mag, one of the goons nicked his shoulder, sending him tumbling backwards to the ground, his gun falling to his side.  
As more and more ammo was fired towards his position, Tony crawled up to a nearby corpse, pushing it upright to act as cover while he reloaded his M16A1. "You wanna _fuck with me?!_ " He mumble-screamed, slamming the mag into the gun - gritting his teeth, he got back to his feet and shot a few bullets while holding the rifle _one handed._

He _was_ about to punctuate that with a new grenade round, but unexpectedly, the hitmen were sent sailing into the center of the lobby when a _fucking car_ rammed into the side-doors. Tony didn't recognise the ride, but he certainly recognised the bombs that started getting thrown... and the driver too, of course.  
"'Sup, _bitches?_ " The rowdy cyclops shouted as the goons were blown apart by her explosives.

The Cuban couldn't help but grin at the sight - it had been a minute since he last saw Cherri Bomb, but she's definitely still got it. And from what he could hear over the explosions and screams, her car was still in a good enough state to play music.

>   
>  _Yeaaah, are you ready girls?_   
>  _Yeaaah, are you ready now, now, now?!_   
> 

Cherri threw bombs in all directions, giving herself a bit of protection as she rushed up the stairs to join her old pal - all the while singing along to the music her car was playing.  
" _Whoa! Yeah! Kiiiiickstart my heart, give it a start!_ " There was a feral glee in her one eye, a flame of energy and an appetite for destruction. Just like he remembered her, really.  
Tony smirked, before giving a little bit to the singing. " _Whoa, yea', babyyy!_ "  
The two began laughing as the tide quickly turned in their favor, kicking ass and taking names with the greatest of ease. Tony Montana might be an army of one, but an army of _two_ is always stronger.

Valentino's men were diving every which way in hopes of finding some cover from the onslaught brought down upon them, to very little success. After all, it _is_ a wide open space - where the hell are you gonna find cover, huh?  
Leaning against one another's backs, Tony and Cherri sighed happily. The dust was starting to settle for the moment, giving them a moment to talk as their opponents regrouped and the music calmed down just a little.  
"So, how you been, _chica?_ Doin' some damage, or what?" The Cuban asked first, remembering the days when she'd beat the shit out of anybody foolish enough to question why Tony kept her close despite her loose cannon behavior.  
"Oh, you fucking _bet_ , Tony. But I'll keep it real, I shotgunned two cans of Monster Energy before coming here, and lemme tell you... that shit tastes like cardiac arrest," she admitted with a chuckle.

>   
>  _When we started this band, all we needed_   
>  _Needed was a laugh_   
>  _Years gone by, I'd say we've kicked some ass_   
> 

A bullet flew just by their heads, snapping their attention to the hitmen downstairs - making their approach from both sides of the horseshoe staircase.  
"We gonna talk after this, mang. You takin' the fuckers on the right, I gonna take the ones on the left, okay?" The wolf whispered confidently.  
"Got it, bossman," Cherri answered, before they both blasted forwards in opposing directions, unleashing bullets and bombs on the morons.

>   
>  _When I'm enraged, or hittin' the stage_   
>  _Adrenaline rushin' through my veins_   
>  _And I'd say we're still kickin' ass_   
> 

Meeting back up in front of the fountain, Tony and Cherri joined hands before spinning around on the spot, forming a tornado of death to splatter the remaining goons into a red mist all over the damn lobby.

>   
>  _I say, oooh-aaah_   
>  _Kickstart my heart, hope it never stops_   
>  _And to think, we did, all of this to ROOOCK!_   
> 

As they stopped spinning, dizzy but victorious, the wolf and the cyclops exchanged a fond gaze - they might have drifted away from each other since the late 80s and early 90s, but the bond between trainer and trainee isn't something that time can break.  
"Mang, I fuckin' missed this shit, Cherri."  
"Me too, Tony. Me too," the girl said with a nod, before their attention was drawn to a man shouting in disbelief from Tony's office.  
" _The fuck is all this?!_ "  
The two pals climbed back up the stairs, and their eyes landed on a weasel wearing distinctively post-apocalyptic clothing and a helmet that only let his eyes be seen - eyes that were _clearly_ showing how scared shitless he was. "Oh fuck, shit, not _you!_ "  
Dropping the sawed-off double barrel shotgun he was holding, the demon fell to his ass and started crawling away, but was stopped by Tony shooting right in front of him.

"You one a' Valentino's guys? What kinda fuckin' _carajo_ are you, mang? He pick you off the street or somethin'?" Tony casually said, advancing with menacing intent alongside Cherri. If the weasel wasn't shitting himself yet, he will be soon.  
"I remember seeing him and his Mad Max fucking fit before... yeah, he's one of Val's bastards." Cherri grinned as a devious idea popped into her head. "Let's send a message, Tony," she said, getting out an unlit bomb and placing it at the fool's feet. Tony immediately realised what the fuck they were gonna do, and it was *very* cool with him.  
The duo stepped back into the hall, as Tony loaded a grenade round into his under-barrel launcher.  
Cherri spoke up first as Tony braced himself.  
"Yo, Jagi! Tell your boss that if you fuck with Tony Montana..." She smirked, looking over to her mentor.  
"... _you fuckin' with the BEST!_ " The Cuban finished, before shooting the grenade at the bomb sat at the weasel's foot.  
The subsequent explosion sent Jagi flying directly out the back window and into the garden, burnt to a crisp but still alive - to let him run on home and tell _this_ shit to his employer.

A warning to be heeded, I'm sure you'll agree.

Cherri left a little while later, leaving the wolf alone in his mansion. But damn, it felt fucking _good_ to be Tony.  
"The world... and everythin' in it," he thought aloud as he slouched back into his chair, ready to doze off again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, this yarn is done!  
> But there _is_ a chapter left after this... tune in next upload for a full-length version of the thing Tony was watching at the very start of the fic!


	3. BONUS: The World is Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bonus chapter! Tony takes _you_ , dear reader/viewer, on a trip inside his mansion.  
> Be on the lookout for worldbuilding scattered here and there!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to an episode of MTV Cribs directed by somebody who saw just one 'episode' and it was the one they made to tie into the Scarface video game.

Adjusting his suit and undershirt just the way he likes it, Tony looked himself over in the mirror. Yeah, he's lookin' _fiiine_ , as always.  
As he turned around, he almost bumped into one of his imp employees. "Sir, the TV crew's entering the lobby right now. Might be a good idea to hurry up," the shorter of the two said, choosing his words carefully so as to not anger his sometimes volatile boss.  
"Yea', yea', I goin' there, don't even worry about it mang." Shrugging a little, Tony left his office and calmly descended the staircase.

\---

The camera focused on the golden statue of a woman that sat in the center of the lobby, taking a few different angles for sweet perspective shots.  
"Ooh, you like that, huh?" Suddenly, the Cuban's voice came from out of frame - a problem quickly remedied when the cameraman whipped around to look at Tony. "She my guardian angel, you know. Back up there, she took a bullet for me." A pause, as his eyes widened and he pointed at the camera. "Oh, is this on? Okay..." He got in a more dignified pose before continuing. "Hello. My name is Tony. Antonio Montana." Holding his arm off to the side, he motioned towards the rest of the lobby. "Welcome to my crib!" Moving towards his fountain, he span with _both_ arms held out. "How you like this?"  
Stopping his spinning, he let his arms drop to his sides. "This room. It's impressive, right? I thought you like that, you know." Putting his hands on his hips, Tony surveyed his surroundings.

**-CAMERA TRANSITION-**  
Tony moved away, walking up to a large portrait of himself. Pointing to it, he began talking again. "I had this one repainted, you know? Looks good. Like me." Putting his hands on his hips once more, he turned to the camera. "I know all you gangsters out there, you..." Making a quick little circle with his finger while pointing downwards. "... you rapper guys, you like to... hang my picture on the wall and say 'oh look, that's _Tony Montana!_ The original gangster.'" A pause, as he shifted his stance slightly. "I no gangster, okay? I tell you that right now, I'm just a regular guy, a good citizen like you, tryin' to make a buck."  
His gaze drifted to the portrait again. "I should make a _buck_ , from all the pictures you guys are buyin', that's what I should say, you know. Fuck that shit." The wolf shook his head, before getting back into a better mood. "Anyway, let's take a tour, okay? Take a tour with the invincible man! Hah!"

**-CAMERA TRANSITION-**  
Montana looks towards the statue in his fountain: three women holding up a globe with the words _The World is Yours_ circling it.  
"The world is yours... not yet, mang." Glancing towards the camera, there was clear intent in his eyes. "But it will be."  
Holding his arms out, he moved the tour along, starting to climb the stairs. "Okay, let's go. Everybody, to the top!"  
The cameraman followed him up, and took his place next to him as he turned around to face towards his lobby. "I like to stand here, every day, you know? Every day of my new life, I say to myself... 'Who's world is this? Who's life is this?' _Me!_ " He pointed right to himself as he said that. " _My_ world! This is _my_ life! That's right."  
He turned, heading towards his office, when suddenly he whipped back around, stanced up as if he were holding a rifle in his hands. " _SAY HELLO TO MY LIL' FRIEND!_ "  
The Cuban laughed to himself, but the cameraman was clearly scared, and so was the boom operator.  
"Ah, I was only kidding, okay?" Turning to point at the operator, Tony raised an eyebrow. "What's the matter with that guy? Just kidding, mang... Relax, okay?"

**-CAMERA TRANSITION-**  
Standing behind his desk, Tony held his right arm out. "Okay. _This_... is where the magic happens, you know? Is like, eh..." Trying to pick the right word, Tony spun his hand almost as a loading bar. "How you say... is like a... a epicentre! Yea', that's it."  
Looking to the side of his desk, he saw a framed picture - picking it up, he gazed at it fondly before gently turning it around so that the camera could see.  
It was a picture of him, standing close to a cyclops demon - the latter was smiling widely and holding up a CD copy of _Dr. Feelgood_.  
"This... this my friend, Cherri. Cherri Bomb. Taught her everything she knows, you know? Bought her that disk for a job well done." A pause. "She kinda like the daughter I never had," he admitted.

The mood was pretty serious for a moment, until Tony put the picture down and walked over to another part of his office, pointing at something off-screen. "Oh, here's the pelican!"  
The camera turned to look at what he pointed - and it was a golden flamingo statue. Definitely _not_ a pelican.  
"Look a' that. Oooh, pelican c'mon flyyy pelican! Oh, you can't fly, how come? I know why, _'cause you fuckin' GOLD_ , that's why! Okay, let's go."

**-CAMERA TRANSITION-**  
The wolf placed his hands on the balcony behind his office, looking out to his expansive garden.  
"You like my garden, huh? Beautiful." His eyes narrowed. "But that's where they came in back then, you know? Come creepin' in, in the dark like cock-a-roaches. Lil' fuckin' lil' _rats gonna come here, GONNA TAKE MY WORLD FROM ME?! HUH?!_ " By this point, he was putting up his dukes and borderline shadowboxing. " _Nobody_ gonna take this from me!"  
With a deep breath, he relaxed before heading back inside and entering the sideroom of his office - where his hot tub was.  
"This here, this where I relax, you know? Get nice and cozy in the tub, then I go take a nap in my bed. Pretty smart, puttin' my bed next to my hot tub, huh?" A pause. "Anyway, you wanna see where the good stuff is? Okay!" Clap, as he turned to leave the room. "Let's go!"

**-CAMERA TRANSITION-**  
Walking into the downstairs rec room, Tony waved his hand around. "My precious things!"  
The camera looked towards his employees for a moment.  
"Not the imps, you stupid fuck, _these!_ " Pointing to the side, Tony directed the camera towards some expensive objects he owns. "The diving suit, the mummies... anything I want, I can get, you know? I got the diving suit 'cause I'm... how you say..." He spun his finger next to his head. "... paranoid! Maybe I safer if I go to another ring. Little, uh... room down there for some golf, lil' real estate... lotta options, nobody really do nothin' there."  
Following Tony into the next room, the cameraman witnessed a hall filled with portraits.  
"This... is the Hall of Lords! Had my personal painter make portraits a' _all_ the Overlords. You got everybody, from the Vs, those motherfuckers... you got the Radio Demon, but nobody really know what he looks like so I just told my guy 'hey, draw his shadow or something'." Indeed, the Alastor portrait consisted just of the deer's shadowy frame.

"Got the other ones, Doviculus and Danger. You know, my portrait guy told me that Danger, he was like the President or somethin' when he was alive, so I had him draw it like a president portrait. Told him, 'make it like Jimmy Carter, mang!' And he fuckin' did it! Good guy, my painter. Should give him a raise." Tony walked a bit further down the hall, until he reached a point where there were only two portraits. "This part here, this for the future Overlords. Only two a' them so far, it's me and that Pentious guy. Between you and me? I think I gonna make it first."

**-CAMERA TRANSITION-**  
Outside, Tony leads the cameraman to his rows of cars.  
"I can see you pretty impressed. My cars are like my memories. I keep them." Walking from one to the other, Montana smiled just a bit. "If I put them all in a line? I could follow them all the way right back to Cuba."  
Stopping after he passed the last of his many rides, Tony turned around and approached the camera. "This is Tony Montana, signin' off. Next time you see me, I gonna be an overlord, mang. You got my fuckin' word on that."  
With a confident nod, the Cuban left the scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you in the next yarn, y'all!


End file.
